You know them.
They remind you of the sunset from weekends of camping as a kid. They make you think of waking up on Christmas morning, exhilarated with excitement, and running to wake up all your loved ones to open the presents you've waited all month for. They are the definition of anticipation; They make you think about being a better person every time you close your eyes.
They're everything you are afraid to lose. Hold them at a distance. Refuse to get to know them.
You don't want to see how they cook dinner every night.
You don't want to watch them effortlessly clean, with minimal thought.
You don't want to be around their successes.
You don't want to be strung out on every word they allow to fall off their lips.
You don't want to know any of the little things that make them tick.
You don't want to know.
You don't want to be reminded of all the things you are afraid to lose. You are all whole and healed, but you refuse to acknowledge how broken you still are. How you act like a terrified child when you come in contact with the dream you let go of so long ago.
So who are you now?
You are now classified with the type of person they walk away from.
Non-committal, inconsistent, non-communicative, afraid, no clue where you're going, and no idea where you've been. They inflate your ego, make you feel proud of yourself. They go the extra mile because they're a whole lot of what you can't handle.
They scare the shit out of you. Good. They should.
Do you know how many people messaged them today? Doing exactly what you're doing?
Calling and texting when you're bored.
Fishing for compliments when you're feeling down.
Sending a picture for some extra attention.
Asking for pictures for entertainment.
Asking, "How are you still single?" because you want them to feel special.
And then you feel a twinge of guilt when you think too hard about what you're doing. You don't want to hurt their feelings and you don't want to lose your "friend" because it feeds your soul, but you know you aren't feeding theirs.
You stopped being their friend the minute your intentions became malicious. Your intentions became malicious the minute you stopped caring about their day. You stopped being their friend when you stopped wishing them the best and cheering them on. You stopped being their friend the minute you used them for self-fulfillment.
Don't feel so hardcore now, do you? But wait, why do they text back? Why do they indulge?
Have you ever figured it's because they can see exactly what you're doing, but are bored enough to play along to get what they want?
Pretty weird realization, isn't it?
Do you want to know how they became a decent person but are rough around the edges? They used to be just like you. They used to do the same thing. They're just too lazy to sleep around and you're convenient now. They're going to let you feel special because they are bored and they really don't have to try that hard.
You're only as confident as the person you're talking to. The only thing that makes you special, is how they treat you. They put you on cloud nine and the minute you drift in the slightest, it'll come crashing down and you'll come back for more.
You're using them. It disappointed them until they reversed psychology on you and did the same thing in return. That's what you did; you made a great person, settle. And you are no longer great to them, you're just a convenience. You think you're loved and treading lightly, but in reality, they stopped caring about you a long time ago. Interest fades and as it appears, you are expired.
If the shoe fits, lace it up and wear it.
Don't blink. Before you know it, they'll be gone.