My sincere apologies about being gone for a little too long. I'm sure we all could agree that life sweeps us off our feet sometimes and it sure did for me. This last month has not been entirely kind to me, but it's only up from here. So what happened? I'd like to think that no matter how much I get to know myself, life will always challenge every fabric of my being and keep me on my toes.
The last month has been a test of self worth and tolerance. I think we all can agree and say that even though some of us may be blessed by knowing our worth, that doesn't mean it's easy to put ourselves first. Although it's a little too soon to dive into what happened yet, I am in the process of learning some very big life lessons.
First, it's okay to sit down and focus on yourself. The beginning of my very stressful time was spent pouring out of an empty cup. I was helping so many people at once, my emergency time management was starting to fail me, and I was getting a little too tired. It's okay to stand up and ask for help BEFORE it becomes a problem. Even though, at the time, nothing was happening to me, I wasn't okay. I was confused, exhausted, and it all was so heavy. But I love helping people and to be honest, I wasn't sure anyone else would've stepped in and helped those around me, if I didn't. And I wasn't doing anything crazy, I was just present with other people during their hard times, trying to help them navigate difficult situations. But alas, people's issues can wear us thin too.
Second, just because it didn't happen to you, doesn't mean nothing happened to you. I know that sounds really confusing. But while I was taking a knee from helping others, someone very close to me has a rather serious situation and I just so happened to be the one who suffered quite a few consequences from the whole situation. While I understand other people are going through things and it's important to show support, if your always cleaning the mess, you are a victim too; you deserve help too. I felt like I was screaming on the top of my lungs that I needed somebody and not one person could really be there for me they way I probably needed. But even if I am the only one that can acknowledge the fact that something very serious had an affect on me, I can take care of myself. Sometimes we all lose sight of that. Sometimes we think that if we don't have the validation from others involved, we can't seek out help for things. But you can and you definitely don't need anyone's approval. At anytime you feel down and out and you need help... scratch, claw, RUN. whatever you need to do to get what you need. Even if it means kicking down every damn door until somebody listens, because I promise, somebody will.
Third, don't compromise your self-worth for in return for someone else's happiness. Read that sentence again. My whole life was spent waiting to be loved back. One day, I got tired enough to stand up and leave the people that had wronged me and started over. I was always the girl that knew her worth and stood up for it. For such a long time I didn't put up with much because I worked hard and deserved more than what had come my way. And most importantly, I never let someone come between my values and I. But looking in hindsight, I got a little comfortable. Im at a crossroads. We all get lazy when it comes to our self-worth. We start making exceptions for people to allow room for them to grow. We give them the benefit of the doubt and hope things will get better. But then every now and then, things don't ever get better and you feel like you're in deep. At the end of the day, when you take away all the complicated and broken things in your life, you are left with you and your values. You always know what is best for you. Don't be afraid to be the only one who gets you. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. I know I need a little work, but I will always have me.
Now, It's okay to say, "I'm not okay." Just make sure you are safe. Life is really hard and it comes in waves. But you are never stuck. You choose where you go and what you deal with. Sometimes we just have to take back control and turn ourselves around to get back to where we were coming from, and that's okay. Right now, I'm growing. All of this is growing pains. I may give up on things sometimes, but I will never give up on ME.
There is no changing the height that you fall from, there is only getting right back up and making the climb to the top again.