I reached a point in my life where I had to stop and ask myself if I was giving too much to those around me. When I love/care about people, I do so with no reservations; I love HARD. It came to a point where I was pouring myself into others and never replenishing my own needs.
I learned to be a little selfish. I got tired of worrying about how everyone else felt. I got tired of changing my plans to accommodate someone else's schedule. I got tired of giving the benefit of the doubt for people just to turn around and crucify me for things that are out of my control. I got tired of loving people who didn't love me back.
If you were here for me and cared about me, you would value respecting my boundaries. You would wonder how I felt about things you do/say that may affect me. You would wonder how I was doing if I didn't call for a couple days. You would give me space if I asked for it. You would challenge my thoughts without slighting my perspective. You would give me the benefit of the doubt.
Look, If I don't feel like I can grow with you, learn with you, or learn from you, I don't want you around. If you can't reciprocate the things I do for you in some way, shape, or form, then it is no issue for me to walk away anymore.
But I know that this is different! How are you supposed to change your behavior when maybe I've been one way for 10 years, but all the sudden I'm putting myself first? Try your best and get used to it. If you can't? Don't expect me to be as present as I have been.
Look, the past is gone to me. I want bygones to be bygones. If you have hurt me, I forgive you. But that doesn't mean I have to associate myself with you. My world is revolving around me and no-one else. I don't wish ill will on anyone. Im done combing through every scenario and what could've happened differently. I'm done having people on my mind when I've only ever been an afterthought.
I'm happy. I don't have to explain my happiness to anyone. And if you try to tear down my happiness and peace? Good luck, because my home is my sanctuary and you aren't welcome here.
I hope you all heal as I am. I only ever wish you the best.