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five minutes, fifty years

I'm going to miss you when you leave.


I heard that when you have an aura of healing, you tend to attract broken people. I don't know if that's me. I've always thought that we are all a little broken, but people patch us up along the way to help thrust us into our futures. But, somehow, I always have been the one patching people up.


I hate how I get lost in people and how organically it happens. How deep I feel and how deep I dig to understand others. I have no issues with people giving me pieces of their hurt; I listen, reassure, and fix where I can. Because helping people is such a great thing to do in my mind. Once I feel as though a person has trusted me, I see it as an earned privilege and I take it very serious. But over time, I've come to learn that people over-share habitually and it may be putting me in compromising positions.


But you told me about your family. Your favorite movies. Your dreams when you were a kid. You told me about your broken heart; twice. You came to me, not always for advice, but for my presence. For my silence; the same silence that gave you faith that someone was "there". I gave it to you so effortlessly.


Every missed phone-call was returned. Every message was read. Every picture was saved.


You didn't give yourself away at all! You just became a part of me. MY friend. Because only someone brave and honest would dare venture down the road of transparency with someone broken like me. The worst part?


You listened to me. You held my bleeding heart in your hand. You gave me silence when it was needed. You gave me advice when it wasn't. You reassured me. You laughed at my jokes. You made me feel alive; like a person. You made me feel... whole.


I wanted to write, "HANDLE WITH CARE" on my forehead. I didn't want any new friends. I didn't need any. But you ruined my plans without even trying.


You were my story, but I was just your chapter.


I immersed myself in every last detail of YOU. And what's the strangest part? I would do it again. And again. And again. Others would tell me to evaluate my worth and walk away from those who don't feed my soul, but is it strange that I don't mind giving people a confidence boost? I do not mind helping you look in the mirror and love yourself. Because in my mind, I made a piece of the world a little better than when I found it.


I was and am brave. Not many are willing to be temporary in someone's else's life. I'll admit, it's awfully bitter-sweet to be a stepping stone for someone. But see, that's not how I value my worth. I know that all things in this life come to an end.


Five minutes or Fifty years, I'm just glad you're here. I value my time with you. There is a lesson to be had, maybe for you, for me, or the both of us. What did I learn? I'm still capable. I still feel. I'm still alive.


I thought I was done. I told myself it was over. I couldn't imagine sticking my neck out for someone ever again. You peeled open my shell and made me believe in faith again. And even though you aren't here anymore, or you are on your way out, I'm grateful that you took the time to force me to look at myself and see that not a thing has changed when it comes to my level of passion, care, commitment, love, and loyalty. It's like I blinked and the last five years didn't weigh so heavy on my heart anymore.


Am I supposed to be sad that you're leaving me? Or am I supposed to feel gratitude because you did me such a great service while you were here? I don't think people take the time to think about these things. Most people value loyalty; I do as well, I just value understanding above all else. You could really screw me over and I will find a reason to which I understand. While it still hurts, it often softens the blow.


I'm going to miss you when you leave. You haven't gone yet, but I know you will. I can feel it. As every door closes, another one opens. And even though it hurts right now, it won't hurt forever. Thank you for helping me shed my skin and reminding me what it feels like to care so effortlessly. Thank you for helping me look up. Thank you for the endless possibilities that I am constantly chasing for myself. Thank you for reminding me that I can be listened to, understood, and loved for the exact way that I am.


Maybe you won't stick around, but nothing lasts forever. Five minutes. Fifty years. Whatever I'm given, I'm grateful. That is Love. That is Friendship. And, that is Life.




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