Over the years, people have continued to point out my ability to move through things that happen and I always have landed on my feet. Now, that doesn't always mean I was graceful about everything, but I still ended up alright. If you haven't had a chance to read my story and you have a moment, I recommend reading it so you truly understand how I figured these few things out.
These 5 things are going to be easier said than done and I understand that. But the idea is to try.
1. Eliminate any sources of negativity.
It's actually okay to distance yourself from people if they are really negative. Because when someone is negative and complaining about things, it's contagious and you will start divulging information about your life in a negative light too. Once you get past the initial emotions of a situation, you should do your best to remain positive so you can learn from it, heal, and move on as best as possible. And sometimes, like in my case, I'm the negative person. I always catch myself messaging people for advice and perspective, but after a while, I realized I wasn't even properly maintaining my relationships. I wasn't asking my friends how they were doing, I was just complaining. I compare my habit of it to biting my nails. I don't notice I do it, it just happens. But, if you actively think about it and make a point to correct yourself when you catch it happening, slowly but surely, you will become more positive and be more cognitively aware when others are not being that positive too.
2. Take it one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time, etc.
Most people go weeks feeling strong and positive. But, when that one day of a mental breakdown shows up, they think they've failed and have to start all over. You haven't! This is a cycle of emotions we have to go through. Sometimes all we need is a hard reset. Sometimes I'll personally visualize my day as "before lunch" and "after lunch". Before lunch sucked because I remembered something and got upset, but after lunch, I started feeling a lot better because X, Y, and Z. Once you get out of the habit or saying, "Today sucked!" You'll start feeling better more often.
3. Acknowledge your emotions. It's okay to not be okay and it's okay to be just fine.
Most people don't allow themselves to feel. I was just telling a friend this the other day. He was going through a lot of really hard stuff and kept trying to chit chat about it like the daily weather. But I could see on his face that he needed to cry. So I told him to go to the garage (just him and I) and let it all out. Those emotions start getting really heavy after a while when you choose to wear them around and not let them out. You also won't be able to think effectively about a situation if anytime it comes up you have these overwhelming bouts of emotion. If you let yourself feel whatever comes, soon enough it'll relax a little bit and you will be able to navigate the subject a little easier. Even if it's just a little bit, sometimes, a little bit goes a long way. But, if you don't feel the need to cry or scream, that's okay too. It's okay to be mentally strong. Just check on yourself. Talk about things anyway. Mull over the lessons learned or things you want to change following a difficult situation, even if you feel just fine. Always remain in a reflective state.
4. Focus on self-care.
When's the last time you did something for you? Only you? How we are on the outside reflects how we are on the inside. After my second assault that I talked about in My Chaotic Life: The Final Piece, I mentioned how I went and took a three hour long shower after someone assaulted me. Because I wanted to wash myself clean of what had just happened. Maybe it sounds strange, but we all need TLC after something bad happens. I've always wondered, why do people only have spa days when something good is happening? Like it's some reward? Go have a spa day because you made it through something difficult too. Go take care of you. Relax your mind. Remove yourself from your environment and go have a mental break while people pamper you. I go regularly. I'll get facials, a massage, etc. It's become such a habit, I go once a month and if I get stressed, my husband sets up a spa day for me. It's always helped!
5. Don't compare your chapter 1 with someone else's chapter 10.
It's nature to envy each other. It's human to do so. I always had a habit of saying, "Look at her, she's so strong and she gets through everything with grace." You have to remember that everyone has had different battles at different times and we've all been through different things. Maybe that person has learned some valuable lessons that you haven't had to learn yet! But it's unfair to compare yourself to someone who seems like they have it all together because you aren't taking in account the long journey it took them to get where they are today. It was just as difficult for them as it is for you right now. Maybe you're at the beginning of your journey and maybe they started their journey years ago.
These 5 things take constant work. Some days will be better than others, but what's important, is that you keep trying, no matter what it takes. It's a journey of self-discovering for all of us, but the more you learn about yourself, the better you feel! Please feel free to sign up and comment directly on this post, or privately message me any time using the social media links on the top of the site, or hit the contact tab and reach out! I love hearing your stories and feedback. So far, this has helped quite a few people open up and I can't feel more blessed that I could be a part of you feeling just a little stronger. I appreciate all the support I've received so far! And I appreciate you!